i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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