I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
