she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
