First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
