im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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