they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
