I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
