I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
