Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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