she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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