Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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