I have demons in me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
