a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
