made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
