the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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