The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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