i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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