she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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