The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
