I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
