True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
