Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
