i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
