mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
