i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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