My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
