how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
