My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
