She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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