Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
