just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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