it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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