You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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