If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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