with your own penis?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
