Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
