Betty ford says i'm here all night
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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