It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
