i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
