ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
