It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i will never coherently bang her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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