i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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