Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
