In the future we'll all be gay
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
