Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
