Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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