Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize