Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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