i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize