What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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