When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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