I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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