Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize