but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
