I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
