Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
