omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
