Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
