My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
