hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
