worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
