sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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