roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
