I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
