apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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