Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
