Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
